Yesterday a friend called and wanted me to meet her for a drink in the evening. After explaining that (a) Eliza was sick and (b) even if she wasn't sick it was highly unlikely that Eliza would quietly sit in the local tavern while we sipped martinis. She seemed a bit put out by this explanation and asked why I couldn't just leave Eliza with a sitter for the evening. I tried to explain that first off, this being Manhattan there really weren't a whole lot of baby sitters hanging about waiting to be called for a job on a Saturday night. I also tried to explain that since Eliza would need her nebulizer treatment every couple of hours and would likely vomit at least half of whatever she was fed, these facts alone pretty well eliminated most "baby sitters" since they are really not interested in holding down a screaming toddler for about 5 minutes while trying to keep a mask strapped to her face, nor would I trust them to do so, to say nothing of cleaning up vomit. Hiring the nanny for the evening sounds good on paper but is somewhat financially unappealing since in addition to her fee, the car service to take her home at night is about $60. So after a half hour of trying to convince her to come to the apartment for a glass of wine, I gave up.
I did however get a very nice lecture from her on how I need to "take time" for myself. It was suggested yesterday I should at least take a day at a spa, or even a few days away scuba diving. So I asked D if she was going to come take care of Eliza while I was away in the Bahamas scuba diving or even for the day at the spa. This was met with notable silence. Which brings me to the point of this whole thing.
I realize I risk being accused of being a whiner here, but too bad, it is my blog. I find it pretty ironic that the very group of people (and it is quite a large group) who continually lecture me on the need to "take time" for myself, is the same group of people who have never once offered to watch Eliza even for an hour, let alone a day. Who do they think will be caring for Eliza while I'm at a day spa? What is the point of continually lecturing me on the need to take time for myself when these people, who know full well there is no one to care for Eliza while I'm out having a grand old time, apparently live in abject fear that I may actually ask them to watch Eliza for 15 minutes? In the 16 or so months that Eliza has been home, other than three days a week since I went back to work a year ago, the longest she has been left with someone is two hours. I would rather spend time with Eliza than "take time" for myself. She brings me endless joy and we have a grand time together. So gentle readers, you can stop telling me to "take time" for myself. If you chose to continue to tell me to "take time" then you should be prepared to watch Eliza yourself.
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RARGH I say.
ReplyDeleteIt's too bad we won't be in Manhattan for Christmas this year, I'd totally bring S over to play with E so you could go to the spa for an hour. :^D
But I would only go to the spa if you came with me! :)
ReplyDeleteARG. If we end up in the city, we'll hang with Eliza. We've actually gotten quite good at catching vomit it all sorts of receptacles and it might be fun to try to juggle buckets for two kids at once. Or we could just crash a nice bar with the kids and take turns watching the patrons' faces when our kids lose it in public.
ReplyDeleteSIGH. I do wish more people understood. We do have good friends who have on occasion watched Hallie for us for an hour or two, but very few are willing to risk meal or bottle time (they read the blog so they know their fate in advance).
Abby maybe we are going about this all wrong. I say we start the alternate universe blogs where we mention nothing about vomit or meds, then we'll have people lining up to babysit... then again the bar crashing idea sounds pretty good to me!
ReplyDeleteWhaddya say we organize the barfing baby bar crawl? It would sort of be like a frat party, but without kegs and greek letters and all---our kids just cut to the chase and don't bother to get wasted before they lose their cookies (figuratively, of course, because, along with cheerios and chicken nuggets, our kids don't actually eat cookies. Or much of anything else).
ReplyDeleteIf the kids do the barfing so we still get to do the drinking part?
ReplyDeleteIsn't that the irony though? When people can't come see your baby because they've just come home from hospital and don't have an immune system to speak of, all they want to do is come over and visit. But once reality sets in and your baby isn't quite so fragile you don't see hide nor hair of them because your baby isn't perfect (ie has a delay or a disability or even just reflux!!) and the novelty of having a teeny micro has worn off.
ReplyDeleteBec (Erin's mum)
Even with children with no health issues, it is nearly impossible to go places without them, and sitters are hard to find. Period.
ReplyDeleteI have a good friend who continually tells me to "come to the boat" for an overnight stay. OVERNIGHT?? My kids are teenagers now, but even so, I can't go anyplace FOR THE NIGHT. My friend, who is childless, just says "Let your husband watch them." Yeah he watches them. He watches them climb the curtains, play with matches, tease the dog. He's great at watching.
People just don't get it. Not much you can do to give it to them.