Is It Really Seven Years?

It is really true that Eliza Grace is seven years old?  Seven,  It seems like yesterday I was enjoying my stay as a long term guest of Lenox Hill Hospital thinking that I would stay pregnant for another 14 weeks.  Little did I know when I woke up on the morning of March 15 that I would have a baby before that night ended. 

Life with my little girl has been a wondrous experience.  Eliza Grace is strong, determined, funny, artistic, kind and caring.  She is simply a joy.  I can't wait to see what the next seven years bring.

2006

2007

2008

2009

2010

2011

2012

2013

Oh the Places You Will Go

I love you with all of my hearts.

Really, You Wouldn't Change a Thing?

As you might imagine I tend to visit a few preemie websites (OK, probably more than a few)..  Not as much as when Eliza was younger or when I was in the hospital for several weeks waiting for her inevitable very early birth seven years ago, but I still pop on to some of them now.

There seems to be a recurrent theme on a lot of websites about preemie parents who "wouldn't change a thing" about their journey which resulted in their child's premature birth.  This sentiment is often declared in the same breath in which these same parents are seeking help, guidance or maybe just a listening ear about their child's delays, medical issues and their own anxieties about what the future will hold.

I will unabashedly admit that I do not understand the sentiment that a parent "wouldn't change a thing" about their child's journey through Preemieville.  Really?  You really wouldn't do anything to have stayed pregnant a little longer, have your child need one less day on a ventilator, one less infection, one less transfusion, one less procedure, one less evaluation, one less therapy session, one less accommodation on her IEP?  Really?

Now some will say that this would mean I would want to change Eliza or who she is.  Of course  I don't want to change my child.  Eliza is a delightful, loving, beautiful, funny child who is more tenacious than most adults I know. 

And of course I think she is "perfect" as I am sure most parents believe their children are.

But if I could change the past to take away just one day of  Eliza's pain or suffering I would do it in a minute.

Tears of Joy?

Eliza has always been a sensitive and empathetic child.  If she sees another child crying, even one she doesn't know, she'll go over, pat the child on his or her back and ask if everything is okay.  If her friends are fighting, she'll try to mediate.  She is the first one to offer another child her toy to keep (sharing is great but this often has a negative effect on the family budget if the toy has to be later replaced).  

Lately though Eliza has been crying almost at the drop of a hat.  She is not crying because she is sad, but because she is happy about something.  Earlier this week Eliza told me that I am the only mom she ever wanted.  And then she started crying.  She said she wasn't sad or worried, but was crying because she was so glad I was her mom.  

Today we went on a museum scavenger hunt with some of her friends.  She had a wonderful time.  After we were home for a bit, Eliza was recounting her day at the museum, talking about how much she loved her friends and then started crying.  She ran and grabbed some tissues and told me she was crying because she was so happy to have such great friends.  Tonight Eliza wanted to know what her name meant.  So we looked it up together and I told her the meanings of Eliza and Grace.  And she got some more tissues and was crying because she was so happy those were her names.

So while I am very glad she is not crying because she is unhappy or hurt, she certainly is shedding a lot of tears of joy.

Maybe I should invest her college money in Kleenex stock.

The Wheels on the Bus

Have fallen off.

On January 18 the school bus driver and matron union decided to strike.  As best as I can decipher, this entire strike is about whether or not the city will agree to include in bus contracts an employee protection plan.  I'm not sure of the details, but it seems that the union wants some protection for seniority in any new contracts the city signs.  The Mayor claims this would be illegal to include.  There is some litigation on the issue of whether the strike is legal or not, but the judge (ironically the same one who heard the litigation in the last bus strike in 1979) has not rendered any decision. He's old, so it could be a while before he writes a decision.

My mother reminded me that the last time there was a school bus strike, it lasted 3 months.  Three flipping months.  This semester will almost be over if this strike lasts as long as the last one.  The strike not only affects the regular yellow school bus service, but the special ed buses as well.  The city has given parents metro cards for the city bus and subway and will reimburse taxi fares (but only if you live in area where you cannot use public transportation and remember to keep the original receipt).  So for us it is the city bus.

By comparison to many families, Eliza and I have it easy.  We have access to a city bus in the morning with a very short walk, in the evening we have access to a city bus with a much longer walk.  Given the weather and winter darkness, the quarter mile walk to the evening bus is often unpleasant.  I've had to adjust when I get to work in the morning as well as Eliza's nighttime and morning routines to accommodate the new commute.  Eliza is pretty good with changing routines these days, but the bus strike is adding about an hour to her already long day and I can see this wearing on her.

But for those families who can't adjust their work schedules, who have other children to get to other schools or who have children who attend special ed schools far from home, the strike is an abject misery.  The percentage of special needs children who are simply not attending school is high because their parents cannot get them to school, or it is a 2 hour commute each way, or their children cannot use public transportation because of their disabilities.

And no one really seems to care.  

The media had a bit of hoo-ha at the beginning of the strike and now there is the occasional blurb about it.  Last night there was a meeting at Gracie Mansion (the Mayor's Mansion that our mayor doesn't use since he has a much, much nicer mansion of his own) between the union and the bus companies.  No one from the Office of Pupil Transportation ("OPT") attended.The Mayor didn't attend.  The only thing the union and companies could agree on was that the Mayor needed to be involved in any resolution.   Kind of would have been nice if he had at least shown up, maybe serve some cocktails.  It was his house after all.  You would think his sense of good manners alone would have required him to host the get together.

The new solution seems to be getting "replacement" drivers and matrons.  Despite googling in earnest I have not been able to uncover where the companies will find these replacements.  Will they just be unemployed people who happen to have a bus driver's license?  Will there be any background checks on them?  Will any of them know how to deal with special needs children (or for that matter a bus full of 30 typical kids)?  Will they know that my kid has to be buckled in?  Will they care if she is not buckled in?

Eliza has been riding the bus for four years, so we are pretty much special ed school bus professionals.  We've had our ups and downs at the beginning of each year, more so since starting Kindergarten rather than preschool and the problems usually related to the annual ritual of trying to figure out the bus schedule.  Until this year we had been lucky with our drivers and matrons.  This year was our first bad experience with a matron with Maria the Silent also known as Maria of the Shrug (who may win the award for Worst Bus Matron), but with the right number of complaints (and hours of wasted time) I was able to get Eliza's bus changed and the new driver and matron are great.  

Every morning Eliza asks where Miss Norma and Mr. Juan are and each day I tell her that their bus is broken.

It is easier than telling her OPT is broken.

The Power of a Kind and Caring Teacher

Eliza has had what I'll just call an "issue" at school the past month or so. Nothing awful, just a bit of a glitch.  I reached out to one of her specialty teachers to help Eliza and to help me resolve the issue.  In typical Anne fashion I wrote a probably far too detailed letter, sent it in and hoped for the best.  

The teacher took his time to talk with Eliza at length and helped enormously to resolve the problem.    And all it really took was some kind and caring words in his conversation with Eliza.  Eliza really looks up to this teacher and his input has made a world of difference in just a few days.  More importantly, he really went out of his way to understand the problem, Eliza's unique issues and to discuss it with Eliza in a way she could understand.  He was also very compassionate and reassuring in my conversation with him.

Teachers have an enormous influence on children's lives and by extension, a parent's life.  They have a tough job and we entrust our children to them for a huge portion of our children's lives.  As in any profession, there are some teachers who should think of a career change, but let's be honest, no one becomes a teacher for the enormous salary and annual bonus.

So if you and your children are lucky enough to have kind and caring teachers, tell them thank you every so often.  

The Life Cycle of the Brain

...according to Eliza.

Eliza and I have a lot of conversations about what activities we are going to do in our free time.  Luckily for me, Eliza is a pretty flexible kid who likes a lot of different things.  She is a wee bit obsessed with Kirby.

Kirby is a pretty OK little character who not only comes in an assorted sizes and shapes, but everything from key chains to plush toys, and also Wii and DS games.

Eliza is allowed to play video games (oh the horror!) but she is limited to how much she can play.  She has adopted the philosophy "there is more to life than video games"  which is refreshing.

The past couple of weekends I have been ill with one virus or another and since Eliza is an only child and my play skills were diminished, she played a bit more Wii than usual.  Tonight we talked about it and I told her she was back to her regular schedule of how much she could play since I was no longer lying around like a wet dish rag.

Eliza was OK with that and told me her brain's life cycle was OK with the idea too.

Her brain's life cycle?  Why yes!  There are 6 stages in Eliza's brain's life cycle.

First your brain reads,

Then your brain does animals (this could include the Museum of Natural History or the zoo),

Then your brain does art work,

Then your brain does Ninjago Legos (conveniently for Eliza's brain her mother's brain gets to assemble these),

Then you brain plays board games,

And last, your brain gets to play a little bit if video games.

Seems like a pretty good "life cycle" to me.  Now if we could work in eating and sleeping into that we'd be all set!

Not All Foods Are Created Equally

Nor are children.

I'll start out this little rant with the disclaimer that I clearly recognize that there are way, way, way too many kids in this country are overweight and eat crappy diets.  I get that.  I also get that your average 6 year old  isn't doing their own grocery shopping so the only way they are getting those crappy, pre-packaged foods are because their parents buy them for them.  I also understand that many parents, particularly over worked and under paid parents simply don't have the energy or the knowledge to feed their children better foods.  Unless you are over worked, under paid and have no access to a grocery store and a stove, then put your man-panties on and feed your kids a better diet. Or not.  Just leave my kid out of it.

If one more adult, who thinks they have cornered the market on healthy eating tells my child that her "milk" (which is a protein drink), her cheese and her peanut butter are not "healthy"  my head is going to burst into flames.  I have just spent one solid hour trying to convince Eliza that her "growing milk" is healthy and good for her.  For the curious among you, Orgain is certified organic and has more of what a kid needs in a day than your average 6 year gets from a freaking Happy Meal, or a "Lunchable"  (whatever the hell that is).  So if you're lazy and have a bucket of cash, buy a case of Orgain instead of pissing away money on a Happy Meal, your kid's body will thank you.

Why have I spent the last hour convincing Eliza that her growing milk is good for her? Why has Eliza been crying her eyes out for an hour?  

Because some people have been telling Eliza that dairy products are not "go" foods, that they are "slow" foods.  That dairy foods will make her fat and unhealthy.  Really?  Really? These people have seen Eliza.  Are they really worried that she'll become obese any time soon?

If you are going to tell a group of children what foods are good and what foods are bad and you know that one member of your little audience is a kid like Eliza, who struggles to eat every single day of every single week of every single month of every single year and who gets about half of the calories she needs in a day from something like Orgain, can't you use some common sense and add in a little disclaimer like "too much dairy isn't good for most people, but some people need more dairy, and that's OK for those folks!"  I seriously doubt there will be a line of kids clamoring to steal Eliza's Orgain if this disclaimer was issued in a way a six year old would understand.

And please don't tell me that if I put broccoli, or couscous or tofu or a hunk of beef in front of Eliza ten times in a row she'll eat it.  Clearly you know jack about pediatric feeding disorders, because at best this tactic might work with a picky eater.

Talk all you want about "go foods" but use some common sense when telling kids what not to eat.  

Just know your audience.

Oy.